It took me 39 years to get around to starting this blog, and one reason is that I used to give all my creative talents to work. I made compelling one-pagers, impactful slides, and wrote countless emails. I’d be useless in the apocalypse unless you needed your resume edited.

I have seven pieces sitting in draft form, and you’re not going to read any of them today. Drafts they remain because my kid’s school district used the words “prosecute” and “legal action” toward me, and my energy was diverted elsewhere. Please join me on this journey of what it feels like to be a parent in my local ISD (independent school district).

—

Subject Line: A Request to Revise Threatening Truancy Letters

Hi Chief, Coordinator, and Specialists,

I'm Emily, and I'm the parent of a kindergartner, Maya, at Elementary School. We live in the neighborhood and were excited to select School as the right fit for our girl. She has had a wonderful time there. We love Principal and her teacher.

Like most children, Maya has missed a few days of school. She has been sick but not sick enough to have a doctor’s note, had visits from her grandparents, and had one family vacation planned years in advance. As adults, we receive Paid Time Off from our jobs. As a child, Maya is not granted that same grace.

When we received the first Notice of Truancy in October, I was surprised. This was my very first communication in writing from This ISD about my child's attendance. The letter includes strong wording like "subject to prosecution" [bolding is in letter, not my own emphasis] and "possible legal action". It was startling to read and process this notification. I felt shamed, embarrassed, and judged.

Since the first Notice of Truancy, Maya has missed two more days of school. She has missed 5 out of about 160 days so far, or 3% of the school year. We received the second Notice of Truancy on May 1, and it reads:

At this time, your child is subject to receiving a Court Referral to the District Attendance/Truancy Prevention Department for a possible legal action. The Parent/guardian is subject to prosecution under Section 25.094 of the Texas Education Code.

This is the second time that This ISD has threatened legal action toward our family. These automated communications show a lack of empathy and compassion that is frankly alarming since you are in the business of guiding young lives.

As a former teacher, school leader, and district office worker (all in under-resourced environments), I understand the need to communicate clearly with parents and families. I also understand the intricacies of district funding in Texas. As attendance declines and the basic allotment hasn’t risen, school districts are in a hard place financially. That does not justify threatening and demeaning language to parents. The last paragraph of the second Notice of Truancy reads:

Our goal is to educate your child. We cannot be successful if your child is not in school.

My goal is also to educate my child. That’s why she was reading before she even entered kindergarten. This language insinuates that parents are not contributing to education at home and that parents don’t understand the importance of education. Those are large assumptions to make, and it pits parents against the district rather than us coming together as a team.

I'd like to suggest that you revise the Notice of Truancy letters to let parents know that you are there to support and provide resources, rather than coming across like a court or impersonal official. I am fortunate enough to have a working vehicle, predictable working hours, and other stabilizing factors in my life, but I know many parents are not. I also wonder how this letter would feel to families who are undocumented or who have had prior trauma with the legal system.

You likely did not intend to make parents feel belittled. You may have not even authored the letter I received, but my hope is that you have the power to revise it - or that you can connect me to someone who can.

I hope this feedback results in a consideration of how you can learn more about what is happening with parents and families, to connect with them instead of sending letters that shame and judge. I know how important it is for children to attend school daily, and I believe we want the same thing - for kids to be in school, and for parents to feel that the district is a place that they can trust.

Thank you for your consideration. I appreciate it, and I appreciate the hard work you do to keep kids in school. Please write back to let me know that this email has been received, as I sent feedback to Mr. So and So on the first Notice of Truancy in December and never received a reply.

—

Whew, now you see why I didn’t have a proper blog post. I’m too busy channeling my indignation into a written record that can be sent up the chain if needed. (If you work in a district long enough, you’ll know there are two rules. 1. Always get it in writing, and 2. Never commit in writing. Scenario-dependent, obviously.)

This whole debacle has resolution. I met with the district, they agreed to revise the letters, and we can all move forward. Emotionally, I was surprised at the impact it had on me though. I’ve grown accustomed to having my playtime to write for fun, and being back in the world of channeling that talent into email - even if only once - reminded me of how much creativity I left on the table in the last few decades.

I’m not mourning that I could have been a professional writer or that I disliked my job. I am noticing that I don’t want to spend the next 20 years jumping back into that world.

My bookshelf is as scattered and semi-manic as my state of mind right now, and it includes:

• When We Become Ours, an anthology of stories by adoptees and for adoptees

• Wealth by Virtue by my own cousin Chad Gordon, covering the basics of money management

• After Evangelicalism by David Gushee (anyone else out there deconstructing?)

• The Stories We Tell by Joanna Gaines, also a Korean kid who grew up in a rural state and didn’t always fit in

This quote from The Stories We Tell seems to define my own state right now:

…some of the qualities I’d relied on for most of my life that made me productive and successful were no longer serving what I wanted my future to look like….they were keeping me from what I want to feel again: peace, presence, and an intimate connection to the very things that matter most to me.

This kerfuffle has reminded me that I want my future to look different than my past, even as I treasure the experiences that led me to the here and now. Here’s to more creativity as playtime and less creativity for work.

PS: I did it. I shaved my head. There’s some unexpected grief in giving up my hair, which defined me more than I thought it did. There’s also a great sense of freedom that I did one of the most drastic things you can do as a woman, and now there are no more barriers or fears.

While I have an eye roll for anyone who asks, yes, James loves it, and he insisted on doing the honors himself. You are always free to ask him how he feels about having such a loose cannon for a wife though.